Lisa Ugray

…Despite talking a great deal about privilege and the dangers that arise from trust for the privileged, mainstream feminism and cisGLB have this very bad habit of trying to tell women (woc and trans women and twoc) and trans people, bisexuals and poc (and any combination) respectively, who to trust.

Your two examples for the day.

The rapist, abusing, racist and misogynist dudebro known as Hugo Schwyzer who plays the what about the menz game in disturbing fashion and the racist, cissexist and bi-hating gay dudebro known as Dan Savage…

[Read on…]

Hey D,

So I’ve been thinking… If it’s alright with you, could I ask a few questions about the process of becoming a woman?

I’m actually quite curious about hormonal and emotional changes… Like if you actually feel very different on an emotional level. Like, when I was on the pill (i.e. taking hormones) I would cry A LOT more than usual, and was just a general bitch. I actually caught myself a few times, and would be like “Why am I doing/saying this?”

Have you gone through the same things?

Also… just wondering… What are some of the biggest differences for you?

Feel free to tell me if you don’t feel comfortable answering my questions.

Hope life is good!

Hey so Im not really comfortable with the interview and I can break down the why for you later:

Hi

So…where to begin. Well first I’m sorry for taking so long to get back to you, as I was unsure how to respond. In the end I decided being honest was the best policy. With that in mind and also with the caveat that I think you are a big girl and I think you can take the criticism, let me begin.

You also have to remember that I’m not taking you to task simply as who you are, but as an extension of who you are as a journalist as well. So some of this critique may also be in response to the historic reality of journalism as an oppressor and colonizer of lgbt people, and now predominately T people (and of course many other marginalized groups as well).

So when you inquire about “the process of becoming a woman” you in a very real way singlehandedly dismiss a large part of my identity. I never became a woman, I was always a woman. From this line of reasoning I was always a woman, but perhaps some may argue with a “disordered” body or rather a woman’s body, because foremost it should be remembered that no two women’s bodies are the same we are all individuals (the same is true of men as well) and adding a normative body view further obfuscates the situation.

I guess in line with all this there is also a history of cis-sexism at play here and a colonization of trans identities in such a way as to perpetuate trans people as a sum of the medical procedures or hormonal treatments they receive. I am so much more than this and I am not simply a science experiment. I do not exist in spite of these procedures and treatments, I exist despite of them. In reality many people are still trans and are unable or unwilling to go through with some or any treatments or procedures - I simply am me.

And although I know you are not asking your question from a place of malice, but from a place of curiosity and intrigue and thus from a position of ignorance. To actually ask the questions in the manner you did is quite misogynistic itself and belittles you as an individual. You are more than the hormonal processes that occur in your body. You are not a “bitch” because of hormones. I do understand the simplification of this but an extension of this leads into problematic connotations and inferences. Namely it harkens back to a past day and reinforces an antiquated view that woman are “hysterical” creatures (for what is it to imply that our logical abilities are not the same as men, then to dehumanize us) and our opinions, emotions and lives should simply be dismissed.

I share this all with you, again, not to attack you but simply to share with you the truth of my existence. There has been far too much that I have read over the years and so much I have been exposed to in Toronto through media institution’s that is a complete reflection of the original questions you asked. I am also very privileged to know those people I have come to know in Toronto over the past year and the past several months as the experiences I have shared with them have opened my eyes even more. In truth recent events I have experienced (sometimes with the many people I have met) have been even more willfully ignorant and much more detrimental than your simple question. But I believe education can not occur unless trans people speak to the exact reasons why the questions we are asked or the journalistic pieces that are prepared about us are mentally, emotionally and existentially dismissive and destructive.

Feel free to share this with others if you choose too. I believe, as mentioned before, that education goes along way. Once again I use a caveat here however. I am a (trans) woman who is completely open about being trans and about my history prior to physically transitioning (socially and medically), however not every trans person is me. We are all individuals. Some are the same and completely open to sharing and educating. Some have been there and done that and have perhaps given up and no longer see it necessary to fill this role. Still others simply do not choose to be encumbered in this way and do not see a “duty” or “need” to educate everyone or even a select few that they meet, about the realities of our existences. I am me, so my comments should also not be taken to be an overarching all encompassing trans statement speaking to all our realities. Just as someone as another ethnicity separate to me would not expect, or should not expect, me to definitively describe being “Canadian” or the concept and reality of being a white person.

Last but not least everything I have said comes from my admittedly privileged upbringing and life experience. I have never had to be a survival sex worker. I have never lost the support of my parents or family. I have never lived in poverty. I am not of a marginalized ethnic group. I do not live outside of the “Western” world. I am not a man. This is not to attach value judgments to any of these alternatives that I have just mentioned or failed to mention but these things are simply not my reality and as such I can not speak to them nor might my statements touch on all the intricacies for all trans people (what even is all trans people?).

If you do wish to learn more about the issues and notions I have very basically detailed and perhaps imperfectly expressed please seek out ways to educate yourself. One great starting point is Whipping Girl by Julia Serrano. Of course this is just the tip of the iceberg (or rainbow, iceberg just seems way to ominous :P).

I guess what I often try and remember and what seems pretty apt is a quote I read once and liked so much that I actually had it tattooed on my foot

“We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are” ~Anais Nin

And please, I know (or perhaps assume) you might be inclined to apologize, but don’t apologize. I am a grown up. Instead seek to respect what I have shared with you and perhaps endeavor to learn a little bit more

Sincerely,

Dani